2013: SunShine 2.0

New Motto: Selfishness is the key to success.

I shall say no.

I shall no longer feel guilty for hurting people by doing what I want and being who I am.
I shall no longer spend hours on my computer doing things that might atrophy my brains.
I shall no longer bring my phone to school, for I do not want to be found or constrained.

I shall be stronger.
I shall be wiser.
I shall be curious for it will take me further.
I shall be inspired, motivated and determined, for I want to one day meet Larry Page and Sergei Brin.
I shall be selfish for I was born alone.
I shall manage my monies better to prove to myself that i'm all grown.

I shall stand tall.
I shall walk straight.
I shall speak up and people I shall elate
I shall stand my ground.
I shall be a better person each day, for on December '13 I want to stand proud.

Proud of what I have accomplished.
Proud of putting myself first.
Proud of getting where i'm headed with the biggest smile the earth ever supported. 

In 2012 I got out of my shell but stayed in my bubble, in 2013, i'm planning on popping that bubble and becoming a better, stronger beast! I'm ready for you '13. 

#MambaModeOn

Bring.It.On.

It's time for me to get my head back in the game

in 3, 2 , 1 ...

HAPPY NEW YEAR.

SunShine
<3

Cut the Crap and stop complaining!!

I have a feeling that there is a new movement; the "grades-don't-matter" or "school-is-not-important" movement!! I've been hearing this a lot lately and it is kind of getting to me right now!!

What do I think about it?!

Well first of all I completely agree with the fact that education and knowledge are more important than the concept of "school" itself. I also agree with the fact that some people who didn't go to university or who didn't go to school at all have become some of the greatest examples of success and I'm totally fine with that.

BUT, (yes there is always a "but"), let us not forget that it is all about chance and fate. Those successful people were not only lucky, they were gifted! They probably did not even have a plan at first; nevertheless they had a vision and a dream and had the guts to go for it.
(Bill Gates, Steve Jobs(RIP), Mark Zuckerberg, Albert Einstein...)

Moreover, life is all about choices. Steve Jobs and Bill Gates both decided to drop out of college because they didn't feel like they belonged there.
You may be thinking "Where is she going with this? Well, here's the punch line; if you really think your place is NOT in school, well drop the f*ck out, I mean if your plan is worth it or if your explanation is convincing enough I am sure your parents will support you.
All I'm saying is that, if you do not have the courage to act on it, don't be here complaining about it and saying that grades and/or school are not important. Furthermore, if your plan is just to get your undergraduate diploma, even if it is with the minimum GPA required, well that is fine, knock yourself out, but just don't tell others that it does not matter because to some of us, it does. We all aspire to different things in life; some of us actually want to go to prestigious Grad schools, and guess what? GRADES MATTER. Also, some of us want recognition, awards, bursaries, scholarships, Undergraduate and Graduate diplomas with "With Great Distinctions" written on them, and guess what? GRADES MATTER for that too.

I personally always complain about my courses, my work load, my life, basically everything! But I wouldn't have it any other way. It makes me feel alive and makes me feel like I am actually going somewhere! If my fourth semester was as easy as my first, I would probably be worried because it would mean that I am not moving forward. I want to feel like I am going places, like I am being challenged and believe me, the tougher the challenge, the sweeter the victory! Most of all, I am thankful. I am thankful for the education I got from my parents. I am thankful they put me in school. I am thankful they gave me the opportunity to increase my knowledge and widen my horizon. I am thankful because a lot of people are not as lucky as we are. Do you know how many kids would want to go to school? Or do you know how many Steve Jobs(RIP) and Bill Gates and Einsteins are somewhere in Africa dying of hunger or how many bright-minded children do not get the chance to use their intellectual potential because they are not given the opportunity!?
All this, is why I believe school is important. It opens you to the world, makes you meet new people, makes you forge your character, makes you discover your strengths and weaknesses, and last but not least makes you THINK.

We try so hard to convince ourselves that school is the "worse thing men ever created" because it is annoying and takes a lot of our "precious" time. We do not see the bigger picture. School ends. It is very long and excruciating; you start at 3 years old and don't get out of it until you are at least 21 years old. But it ends. And the outcome depends on YOU and only YOU. If you succeed, it is YOU, if you fail, it is YOU! Do not blame your parents, do not blame your teachers, blame yourself, blame your poor judgement in decision making, blame your choices. It is all on YOU.

So now you can either DROP OUT or KEEP GOING!!

Personally, I have decided to stop complaining about school from now on. I am 20 years old. I think it's time to grow up and start taking responsibility for the choices I make. If I decide to wait the second to last minute to start studying, it's my own damn business, and if I get all my work done two weeks before the deadline, I am not going to brag about it either because it is what I am supposed to do. Life is not about how much we speak of our problems, it's about how well we handle them and turn them into opportunities.

Every time you ought to complain about something, think about those millions of souls who would trade places with you in the blink of an eye. It will make you realize how lucky you are!

“If you can quit, quit. If you can't quit, stop complaining - this is what you chose.”
― Joe Konrath

Yours Truly,
SunShine
<3

Chilled out!

I feel better! don't worry people, I will not kill myself! I love life too damn much.
Cheers!

SunShine.
<3

Failure

I failed once! It's probably my biggest and worst failure! The one failure I think about and want to hit me so hard i won't feel any pain anymore! I failed to tell my father I loved him, I failed to make him proud, I failed to be the best daughter for the only 13 years we shared, I failed to make him happy, I failed. Now it's too late! And even though I know it is still possible to make him proud and happy...it will never be the same as making him happy and seeing his happy or proud facial expression. I saw him disappointed, I saw him mad at me...I cannot remember him being proud of me...That is why I cannot afford anymore failures...This pain is excruciating and exhausting! It's too hard for me to keep up! I try my best and I still cannot get where I want to go. Daddy I'm sorry. I try so hard but it still doesn't seem to be enough. I am weak. I don't have anymore power and will...all this work is tiring! I just wish you were here to reassure me because people can tell me that it'll be ok but I wish I could hear it from you! I wish I could have real father daughter relationship  The one you develop after your teen-ages  the realest, there is such a big part of my life that is missing, a piece of my heart that is bleeding, continuously...it won't stop bleeding...ever!
Why?! Why did I have to be born last...why did I have to lose you so early...why do I have to go through life without the ONE MAN who would love me unconditionally and indefinitely. Why? Why do I have to hurt? Why do I have to bleed?! Why the fuck do I have to feel like this when all I do is  TRY! All I do is try to be happy, try to be a model, try to be the best I can be! Try to be as perfect as I can be...I still bleed...it hurt...Even crying doesn't help...it makes it worse! I need you! Now more than ever! I'm sorry if my words are blasphemous but I WANT YOU BACK! Daddy I need you! It's too hard! I cannot possibly take this anymore! I am depressed every time I think of you...it shouldn't be like that! I'm mad at all those people who don't love their fathers or act like they don't exist! If only they knew... if only they knew daddy...
I am a strong person because every single day I fight these feelings but some times they just won't go away...today is one of those days. Daddy I don't want to fail anymore!

I mean,,,i'm a good person, at least I think I am...so why do I have to suffer!?
It hurts. More than I can explain.

I wish there was an off switch to the pain.
</3

SunShine Pictures is Born!

Hello followers!!! Please go like my Photography Page on FACEBOOK!! It will take 2 seconds! PLease please please! :D *Puppy Eyes*!!

Thank you!!

https://www.facebook.com/sunPicturesshine 

So I tried opening up...the result is not convincing! I am not the kind of person to be "correlated" to another (when that "other" is not someone I love)...Lol! I don't know if that makes sense but i'll try to break it down.

Right now I feel dull, I am not feeling like "SunShine" and that's because I am forcing myself to be "nice" to some people because it would be inconvenient not to. I don't like being the "bad girl" who breaks people's heart but neither do I want to be the nice and naive girl who gets her heart broken!
But then again, for a heart to be broken it has to be attached...which it is not! So in this situation I am just on the run to be the bad girl... Those moments when you wish you could go back in time...

I really need to be strong and straightforward because the longer I lie to myself, the harder it will be to finally admit the truth...I hate these situations but sometimes I guess you just need to be honest and don't give a fuck about the consequences because the "pain" it might cause now is definitely lower than the pain it will cause a month or a year from now.

I knew I was right! I knew I just should've kept all the focus on MY life at school!!! I lost track for a second and now I feel like i've been slacking! I am definitely not proud of my performances right now... I like my life to be structured, I like to know what I'm doing on what day at what time! I don't like spending time on the phone to hear and sometimes say irrelevant things! I want my life back! And I'm gonna get it! Being honest with myself and with others is what's going to get me what I want. I am not feeling like me at all these days and that SUCKS!!!!

“Most Men would rather deny a hard truth than face it.” I don't want to be "Most Men"

Short-term goal: GET MY LIFE BACK!

Introspection.

(This whole thing is really abstract, I hope you'll follow!)

I am the kind of person who always thinks everything happens for a reason. And I think this has been enhanced by Steve Jobs' commencement speech at Stanford University (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UF8uR6Z6KLc) when he said : "You can only connect the dots backwards". Ever since the day I listened to that speech I've been trying to connect the dots backwards, trying to find a link between every single thing that happened to me, every mistake I made and it's reverberating consequences ...

My dream is to work at Google some day, and for that reason, I can't help but think that every step I make today may or may not get me there.

But this "connecting the dot" thing doesn't only affect my career goals, it also affects my "love life" (if I can call it like that). It makes me reluctant to start anything with anyone because when I don't see myself with the person in the future, I tend to build a wall and try to block every sort of interaction. The problem is that, by building that wall, I am not completely following Steve Jobs' advice because he also says "keep looking don't settle", and by building that wall, I'm not settling but I sure am not looking, I'm just being selfish.

Why is it selfish?! Well, most of the time, when I am confronted to that situation I think of MYSELF, of how any relationship will affect ME, of how it might hurt ME, of how much time I would be able to "devote" to that other person and that's because I keep MY goals in mind. Not that it is a bad thing, I actually think knowing my goal is one of my best qualities, I know what I want and how to get it BUT, I am not the only person on earth and I should at least consider the other person's feelings, and contribution to my life.

Again, "You can only connect the dots backwards". By blocking these people, I might miss out on something great, I might regret things and honestly, I'd rather have remorse than regrets. Moreover someone once said :"If you live each day like it's your last, some day you will most certainly be right" and I know that i just can't keep focusing on ONE plan that might or might not happen 10 years from now when I don't even know whether or not I'll still be alive...

In that speech, Steve Jobs had HOPE, he was talking about living more "decades", he was happy his Cancer was cured; he had no idea that seven years from that moment he would be gone. And I don't know if I'll die an hour, a year or 50 years from now, therefore, I should be enjoying every moment, live my life to the fullest and of course, even though my eyes are FIXED on my goal, I still need to get out of my comfort zone. I'm so comfortable in my chair that I don't want to stand up for just a second, and that second might actually change my life, it might be the one thing that will change my chair into a throne...I don't know!
I will probably know in 10/20 years and THEN i will "connect the dots backwards" but for now, I need to live, I need to be the best Fatim I can be, the best sister, the best daughter, the best leader, the best teammate, the best colleague  the best friend, the best student, the best every single attribute of my person.

That is not a narcissistic or egocentric statement, it's a confidence boost statement, it's a goal achieving outline, it's my syllabus for this course I call "Life101" where my A+ is me waking up every morning next to the love of my life (whoever that will be), waking up my kids and going to work in my Range Rover with the biggest smile I have ever had; a smile that will get bigger everyday until the day I don't wake up (and even then...I might smile :D). This is not Utopia, it's a goal, MY GOAL and with God's help, I can and WILL get there, I give myself 15 years.

"Aim for the moon, even if you miss, you'll land among the stars"!

Ok i'm done Ego-tripping now! Have a good day!

Father's Day Melancholy

Don’t be fooled. Oh no don’t be fooled by my smile. It’s a hint, yes it’s a hint that I cry. And the days I don’t cry are the brightest days of my life so I smile. I smile to thank God I still can.


Don’t be fooled. Oh no don’t be fooled by my laugh. It’s a hint, yes it’s a hint that I scream. And I hurt. I’ve been bleeding for a while. I had a cut, the deepest cut of my life.


Don’t be fooled. Oh no don’t be fooled by my joy. It’s a hint, yes it’s a hint that I’m sad. And I’m mad. Mad for not saying what I should have and it’s too late. He’s gone and won’t be back.


Don’t be fooled, Oh no don’t be fooled by my candidness. It’s a hint, yes it’s a hint that I lie to myself. And I try. I try hard to stay happy but I can’t. I can’t cuz it’s harder, yet easier, than ever seeing him again.


Don’t be fooled, Oh no don’t be fooled by my innocence. It’s a hint, yes it’s a hint that I’m older in my head. I am tougher; yes I am tougher to myself. I’ve been through stuff. Stuff you wouldn’t understand.


Don’t be fooled, Oh no don’t be fooled by my courage. It’s a hint, yes it’s a hint that my heart’s weak because it’s been cut. Its other half’s been missing. And for 6 years, for 6 years I’ve been bleeding.


Don’t be fooled. Oh no don’t be fooled by my words. They are harsh. But they are coming from the heart. I’m OK, even though life knocked me out. I’ll get up, for the seven hundred and first time.


Don’t. Be. Fooled.
I am happy(ish).

I feel like I wrote this song! Totally ME! ^_^

[Verse 1]

Sometimes I shave my legs and sometimes I don’t

Sometimes I comb my hair and sometimes I won’t

Depend of how the wind blows I might even paint my toes

It really just depends on whatever feels good in my soul

[Chorus]

I’m not the average girl from your video

And I ain’t built like a supermodel

But I learned to love myself unconditionally,

Because I am a queen

I not the average girl from your video

My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes

No matter what I’m wearing I will always be

India.Arie

[Verse 2]

When I look in the mirror and the only one there is me

Every freckle on my face is where it’s suppose to be

And I know my creator didn’t make no mistakes on me

My feet, my thighs, my Lips, my eyes, I’m loving what I see

[Chorus]

[Verse 3]

Am I less of a lady if I don’t where panty hose

My momma said a lady ain’t what she wears but what she knows…

But I’ve drawn the conclusion, it’s all an illusion

Confusion’s the name of the game

A misconception, a vast deception,

Something got to change

Now don’t be offended this is all my opinion

Ain’t nothing that I’m saying law

This is a true confession 

Of a life learned lesson 

I was sent here to share with y'all

So get in when you fit in

Go on and shine

Clear your mind 

Now’s the time

Put your salt on the shelf

Go on and love yourself

‘Cause everything’s gonna be alright

[Chorus]

[Out]

Keep your fancy drink, and your expensive minks

I don’t need that to have a good time

Keep your expensive cars and your caviar

All’s I need is my guitar

Keep your crystal and your pistol

I’d rather have a pretty piece of crystal

Don’t need you silicone, I prefer my own

What god gave me is just fine…

[Chorus]

I AM TIRED

Je m’adresse à TOI, “Sénégalais”

Je m’adresse à TOI, “Sénégalais” qui m’as ri au nez quand je t’ai annoncé que je m’inscrirai sur les listes pour voter.  Je m’adresse à TOI, “Sénégalais” qui m’as dit “tu perds ton temps, ce n’est pas la peine de te fatiguer”. Je m’adresse à TOI, “Sénégalais” qui passais ton temps devant ta télé à danser sur du Beyoncé pendant que dans ton pays des gens se faisaient sacrifier.  Je m’adresse à TOI, “Sénégalais” qui as regardé ta constitution se faire bafouer. Je m’adresse à TOI, “Sénégalais” qui passivement la candidature du Vieux as entériné.  Je m’adresse à TOI, “Sénégalais” qui as ignoré tous tes concitoyens engagés. Je m’adresse à TOI, “Sénégalais” qui ne pourras raconter comment en 2012 au changement tu as contribué. Je m’adresse à TOI, “Sénégalais” qui ne pourras relater  comment en 2012 l’avenir de ton pays tu as changé. Je m’adresse à TOI, “Sénégalais” qui ne pourras exprimer comment en 2012 pour ton pays tu t’es inquiété.  Je m’adresse à TOI, “Sénégalais” qui t’es moqué ouvertement de la démocratie de ta patrie. Oui TOI qui en quelque sorte as trahi. Et pourtant TOI qui le 25 Mars 2012 t’es réjoui. Je m’adresse à TOI, “Sénégalais”. Je m’adresse à TOI ! Et je te dis, IN YOUR FACE !

Page of my diary! Lol Yes, I own a diary! :P

Is My Fear Justified?! (19/02/2011)

When I wrote this text I was pretty depressed! If my memories are good, I had just seen stupid stuff on the internet (facedakar, smh), people acting silly and not thinking about the consequences of their actions! It was a tough day for me because I just could not understand how people could be that irresponsible. 

Is my fear justified? Am I going to perish for the unhealthy and unorthodox acts of the sinners?  Why should I be afraid of being yelled at, judged, or insulted for saying the truth? After all “I don’t give them hell. I tell them the truth and they think it is hell”.

It is so unfair to us, good people, to be categorized and associated to those bitches, hoes, “wangsters” and thugs, in a nutshell, to those sinners (Excuse my French). Those scoundrels that make us feel guilty of being good! Those miscreants who think things they don’t say and say things they don’t think, those mischief-makers who can lower one’s self-esteem just by being themselves! They confuse those whose beliefs and values are shaky and swayed. They comfort those whose beliefs and values are shady and ruthless. And last but not least, they oppress those whose beliefs and values are steady and noble.

They make me sad, they make me cry, they make me fear my future, they make me dread the progeny I don’t even know I’m going to have or not. They make me doubt. Those evil minds make me mad. They make me sick. But what they don’t know is that by making me frailer, they make my Faith grow stronger. They make me remember that even when I’m down, He’s going to help me up, because I am not one of “them”. They make me remember that I have something to hold on to. They make me cling to my Faith, they make me cleave to my Religion; and I embrace Islam and grasp at it not only with my hands but with my mouth, nose, face, fore-arms, head, ears, feet, knees and fore-head.

Nevertheless, “A half-truth is a whole lie.” Yes I pray, but to be completely honest since “Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom” (Thomas Jefferson), I do not do it all the time. Does that make me one of them? I don’t know, but I am 99% sure that it does not. I am not perfect and I don’t have to judge ANYONE, but I cannot live without expressing my despair regarding this matter. 

Quick Explanation

The reason why I have a bunch of texts written in 2010 is because after graduating from high school I had something like a 7-Months-Vacation so I had nothing else to do but write :D.

I haven't written in a while though because I've been drowned in school work...College is not a piece of cake :S But I am planning on getting back on that horse as soon as my semester ends or maybe before...I don't know!! And I definitely need to write a text called "I Don't Know"...stay tuned!!!!!!!!

I don't even know if I have readers, but letting all this out make me feel GREAT! ^_^

Deuces! 

Another text in French written on October 25th, 2010

PS: Si vous n'avez pas envie de vous remuer trop les meninges et d'etre completement melangé...Don't Read This (lol)

« La vie est un long chemin » dit on communément. Mon subconscient, lui, tend à donner à la vie un sens beaucoup plus complexe ; en effet mon inconscient caractérise la vie comme, non pas un, mais deux chemins, parallèles certes, mais dont la direction de chacun est aux antipodes de celle de l’autre. Oui, j’avais dit complexe !

Cette définition peut sembler exagérée mais elle prend tout son sens dès que l’attention est portée sur certains petits détails, qui, rassemblés, peuvent changer la perception de ce « long chemin ».

J’ai très souvent répété les expressions « qui se ressemble s’assemble » et « les opposés s’attirent », mais je n’avais jamais réalisé la magnitude de cet oxymore. Lorsque je combine ces deux expression, j’arrive à deux conclusions : 1) tout le monde est compatible et 2) personne n’est compatible. Quelle est la probabilité que « oui » et « non » soient les réponses à une même question ?

Subséquemment ceci confirme mon hypothèse selon laquelle la vie est constituée de deux chemins à directions opposées. 

Certains d’entre nous se situent sur le sentier où l’on trouve des personnes avec lesquelles nous partageons des centres d’intérêt et d’autres sur celui où plus les personnes sont différentes de soi, plus on est enclin à vouloir faire leur acquaintance.

Mon esprit divagant vient de se heurté à un autre « pourquoi ». Pourquoi essayons nous parfois de nous évader et de faire abstraction du monde extérieur lorsque nous sommes pertinemment conscients que cela est chimérique?

L’être humain en détresse tente souvent de « s’échapper » de son environnement pour aller visiter un monde utopique qu’il ne peut trouver que dans son intérioté. Il est impossible, à moins d’être totalement insensible (ou d’être sous l’influence de stupéfiant), de se détacher de sa personne. Comment imaginer que l’on flotte dans les airs lorsque notre corps, notre peau et nos récepteurs sensoriels nous rappellent que nous sommes sur la terre ferme ? Comment prétendre ne pas entendre ce qui se passe autour de nous lorsque notre oreille externe capte les vibrations sonores et achemine vers notre tympan le bruit des moteurs qui grognent, des chats qui miaulent, des klaxons des conducteurs impatients? Comment prétendre avoir quitté la réalité alors que notre goût s’alliant à notre odorat, ou plutôt notre mémoire gustative s’alliant à notre mémoire olfactive, nous font avoir l’eau à la bouche à l’odeur des émanations du yassa*, du tiebou djeune* ou encore du mafé* ? Comment s’évader lorsque nos yeux, même fermés, revisitent notre passé ? Et surtout comment prétendre revenir à la réalité tout en étant congrument conscient de ne l’avoir jamais quitté?

Apres avoir lu ce texte, un ami m'a dit ceci : « un monde utopique qu'il ne peut trouver que dans son intériorité ». C'est beau ça, et ça me donne envie de te poser une question : où se trouve la frontière entre le monde extérieur et le monde intérieur? En gros y a t il vraiment un monde « extérieur »? Et si oui, dans quelle mesure n'est il pas affecté par ce qui appartient au monde de notre intériorité?"

Ma Réponse : Je préfère penser qu'effectivement il y a un monde extérieur et un monde intérieur. Je définirais le monde intérieur comme un espace privé où seule l'honnêteté règne car nous savons tous qu'il est impossible de se mentir à soi même. Le monde extérieur par contre c'est tout simplement tout ce qui nous entoure, et par conséquent les mensonges, les problèmes et toute autre forme de vie n'étant pas la nôtre. En gros je soutiens que le monde intérieur est au monde extérieur ce que l'être est au paraitre et ce que la vérité est au mensonge. Tu me diras surement que tout le monde n'est pas comme ça et que certaines personnes laissent transparaitre leur intérieur mais aucun être humain ne peut jurer n'avoir jamais montré à l'extérieur le contraire de ce qui se passe dans son subconscient. Combien de fois avons nous souri à des personnes à qui nous avions envie de donner une gifle (haha)?! 

Le monde intérieur est un sanctuaire pour l'homme, c’est le seul endroit où tous les sentiments sont véritables alors que le monde extérieur n'est que la réflexion du monde intérieur à travers une lentille divergente...certes cela n'arrive pas tout le temps...mais nous devons avouer qu'il est souvent très difficile de dévoiler ses vrais sentiments, ceux que l'on ne peut partager qu'avec soi même. Le monde extérieur fait de nous des êtres hypocrites sans même que nous nous en rendions compte...

*Plats Africains (du Senegal)

Wake Up Call (in French) (04/12/10)

Qui sommes-nous ? Personne. Que représentons-nous ? Rien. Cependant l’homme a tendance à se considérer comme un être supérieur, un être capable de prendre des décisions pour un autre être humain, un être ayant un droit de vie ou de mort sur ses pairs, un être vil et mesquin qui oublie parfois qu’il n’est que néant. La vie n’est que l’antichambre de la mort, qui elle, est l’incontestable vérité. La vie est mensonge, prétexte, flou, inexactitude et inadéquation. « La vie n’est que de façon seconde ; elle est de temps en temps. Dieu seul est constamment. » (Cheikh Hamidou Kane) L’homme en proie à l’excès de pouvoir oublie Dieu. Oublie la vérité. Oublie la mort. Oublie l’essence et favorise l’existence. Toutefois, lorsque l’existence cessera d’être, ne restera-t-il pas que l’essence ? Cheikh Hamidou Kane disait dans l’Aventure Ambiguë « L’extérieur est agressif. Si l’homme ne le vainc pas, il détruit l’homme et fait de lui une victime de tragédie ». Pourquoi l’homme donne-t-il tant d’importance à l’apparence ? Pourquoi l’homme décide-t-il de troquer la foi, la religion et Dieu contre l’argent, la gloire et le vice. Pourquoi l’homme blanc a-t-il fait de l’homme noir un esclave ? Pourquoi l’homme est il violent envers l’homme ? Tant de questions menant à une même réponse : L’homme n’est pas fou, il dort. Etrange ? J’avoue. Néanmoins, la raison pour laquelle j’ose dire que l’homme n’est pas fou, c’est parce que « le fou est celui qui a tout perdu sauf la raison ». L’homme a perdu la raison. 

L’homme doit se réveiller, se rappeler de sa mission, se rappeler que la vie est une fatalité et que la seule issue est la mort. Il n’y a aucun moyen de la contourner. L’homme riche doit savoir que sa richesse ne lui donnera pas une mort aisée. L’homme pauvre doit savoir que sa pauvreté ne rendra aucunement la Mort sensible. L’homme doit savoir que la condition ne définit pas le trépas. Nonobstant, les actions définissent la destination posthume et je ne souhaite à personne de détester sa dernière demeure. « Hommes et femmes qui dormez, songez à peupler de vos bienfaits la solitude qui habitera vos tombeaux » (Cheikh Hamidou Kane). 

Robbed by Death (08/12/10)

I am naked. I have been robbed. Four and a half years ago. The thief took almost everything I cared about. I've lost four and a half years of complete happiness, four and a half years of youth, four and a half years of love, four and a half years of him. Yes the robber stole a man from me. Except it’s not any man. He took my first love, the first male in my life, the only gentleman who certainly loved me more than he loved himself. My idol, yes I was a passionate fan of that man, everything he did seemed, and actually was, right. He was strong, yes stronger than the Lion King. That man was true. Nothing fake, nothing blurry, nothing ambiguous, absolutely nothing fallacious. He inspired me, I mean he inspires me. When I still had him, I used to think of him and smile, I laughed sometimes. Today, I remember him, I remember the things we did together and I smile, I laugh sometimes. But then I think of the things we could have done these past four and a half years and I cry, I scream sometimes, yes I scream so loud that no sound can be heard, no sound at all. Why do I scream? Because I'm in pain, yes I feel like my heart is being ripped out. I feel like it is being shredded out with the strength of a bull…and it hurts. Yes it hurts. I feel some kind of heat invading my body, driving me crazy and killing me…slowly. I'm in pain. I hurt. I cry.

Death robbed me. I’ve been robbed by death. Death stole away my father. Death stole my dad from me. Death took away my youth. Death sneaked into my heart, diminished my cheerfulness, reduced my glee and moderated my delight. But now let me ask you one thing. What can I do about it? What other than fake a smile even when I’m dying inside? What other than cheer sad people up even when I’m sadder? What other than play with my own feelings? What other than pretend? What other than lie? In a nutshell; what other than do “nothing”? Because no matter what I do, I will never have him back, neither will I have those four and a half years back. It’s gone. It’s all gone…

I’ve been robbed by death, for eternity…Or should I say, for what’s left of it…Because if death taught me one thing, it’s that before having an Expiation Day, eternity has an Expiration Date…

The way I see Life...

To me, the PRESENT is irrelevant, it is overrated! I'd rather think that every step I take, takes me further from the PAST and brings me closer to the FUTURE.