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I am the kind of person who always thinks everything happens for a reason. And I think this has been enhanced by Steve Jobs' commencement speech at Stanford University (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UF8uR6Z6KLc) when he said : "You can only connect the dots backwards". Ever since the day I listened to that speech I've been trying to connect the dots backwards, trying to find a link between every single thing that happened to me, every mistake I made and it's reverberating consequences ...
My dream is to work at Google some day, and for that reason, I can't help but think that every step I make today may or may not get me there.
But this "connecting the dot" thing doesn't only affect my career goals, it also affects my "love life" (if I can call it like that). It makes me reluctant to start anything with anyone because when I don't see myself with the person in the future, I tend to build a wall and try to block every sort of interaction. The problem is that, by building that wall, I am not completely following Steve Jobs' advice because he also says "keep looking don't settle", and by building that wall, I'm not settling but I sure am not looking, I'm just being selfish.
Why is it selfish?! Well, most of the time, when I am confronted to that situation I think of MYSELF, of how any relationship will affect ME, of how it might hurt ME, of how much time I would be able to "devote" to that other person and that's because I keep MY goals in mind. Not that it is a bad thing, I actually think knowing my goal is one of my best qualities, I know what I want and how to get it BUT, I am not the only person on earth and I should at least consider the other person's feelings, and contribution to my life.
Again, "You can only connect the dots backwards". By blocking these people, I might miss out on something great, I might regret things and honestly, I'd rather have remorse than regrets. Moreover someone once said :"If you live each day like it's your last, some day you will most certainly be right" and I know that i just can't keep focusing on ONE plan that might or might not happen 10 years from now when I don't even know whether or not I'll still be alive...
In that speech, Steve Jobs had HOPE, he was talking about living more "decades", he was happy his Cancer was cured; he had no idea that seven years from that moment he would be gone. And I don't know if I'll die an hour, a year or 50 years from now, therefore, I should be enjoying every moment, live my life to the fullest and of course, even though my eyes are FIXED on my goal, I still need to get out of my comfort zone. I'm so comfortable in my chair that I don't want to stand up for just a second, and that second might actually change my life, it might be the one thing that will change my chair into a throne...I don't know!
I will probably know in 10/20 years and THEN i will "connect the dots backwards" but for now, I need to live, I need to be the best Fatim I can be, the best sister, the best daughter, the best leader, the best teammate, the best colleague the best friend, the best student, the best every single attribute of my person.
That is not a narcissistic or egocentric statement, it's a confidence boost statement, it's a goal achieving outline, it's my syllabus for this course I call "Life101" where my A+ is me waking up every morning next to the love of my life (whoever that will be), waking up my kids and going to work in my Range Rover with the biggest smile I have ever had; a smile that will get bigger everyday until the day I don't wake up (and even then...I might smile :D). This is not Utopia, it's a goal, MY GOAL and with God's help, I can and WILL get there, I give myself 15 years.
"Aim for the moon, even if you miss, you'll land among the stars"!
Ok i'm done Ego-tripping now! Have a good day!
