Wednesday, November 7, 2012
SunShine Pictures is Born!
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Right now I feel dull, I am not feeling like "SunShine" and that's because I am forcing myself to be "nice" to some people because it would be inconvenient not to. I don't like being the "bad girl" who breaks people's heart but neither do I want to be the nice and naive girl who gets her heart broken!
But then again, for a heart to be broken it has to be attached...which it is not! So in this situation I am just on the run to be the bad girl... Those moments when you wish you could go back in time...
I really need to be strong and straightforward because the longer I lie to myself, the harder it will be to finally admit the truth...I hate these situations but sometimes I guess you just need to be honest and don't give a fuck about the consequences because the "pain" it might cause now is definitely lower than the pain it will cause a month or a year from now.
I knew I was right! I knew I just should've kept all the focus on MY life at school!!! I lost track for a second and now I feel like i've been slacking! I am definitely not proud of my performances right now... I like my life to be structured, I like to know what I'm doing on what day at what time! I don't like spending time on the phone to hear and sometimes say irrelevant things! I want my life back! And I'm gonna get it! Being honest with myself and with others is what's going to get me what I want. I am not feeling like me at all these days and that SUCKS!!!!
“Most Men would rather deny a hard truth than face it.” I don't want to be "Most Men"
Short-term goal: GET MY LIFE BACK!
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Introspection.
(This whole thing is really abstract, I hope you'll follow!)
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I am the kind of person who always thinks everything happens for a reason. And I think this has been enhanced by Steve Jobs' commencement speech at Stanford University (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UF8uR6Z6KLc) when he said : "You can only connect the dots backwards". Ever since the day I listened to that speech I've been trying to connect the dots backwards, trying to find a link between every single thing that happened to me, every mistake I made and it's reverberating consequences ...
My dream is to work at Google some day, and for that reason, I can't help but think that every step I make today may or may not get me there.
But this "connecting the dot" thing doesn't only affect my career goals, it also affects my "love life" (if I can call it like that). It makes me reluctant to start anything with anyone because when I don't see myself with the person in the future, I tend to build a wall and try to block every sort of interaction. The problem is that, by building that wall, I am not completely following Steve Jobs' advice because he also says "keep looking don't settle", and by building that wall, I'm not settling but I sure am not looking, I'm just being selfish.
Why is it selfish?! Well, most of the time, when I am confronted to that situation I think of MYSELF, of how any relationship will affect ME, of how it might hurt ME, of how much time I would be able to "devote" to that other person and that's because I keep MY goals in mind. Not that it is a bad thing, I actually think knowing my goal is one of my best qualities, I know what I want and how to get it BUT, I am not the only person on earth and I should at least consider the other person's feelings, and contribution to my life.
Again, "You can only connect the dots backwards". By blocking these people, I might miss out on something great, I might regret things and honestly, I'd rather have remorse than regrets. Moreover someone once said :"If you live each day like it's your last, some day you will most certainly be right" and I know that i just can't keep focusing on ONE plan that might or might not happen 10 years from now when I don't even know whether or not I'll still be alive...
In that speech, Steve Jobs had HOPE, he was talking about living more "decades", he was happy his Cancer was cured; he had no idea that seven years from that moment he would be gone. And I don't know if I'll die an hour, a year or 50 years from now, therefore, I should be enjoying every moment, live my life to the fullest and of course, even though my eyes are FIXED on my goal, I still need to get out of my comfort zone. I'm so comfortable in my chair that I don't want to stand up for just a second, and that second might actually change my life, it might be the one thing that will change my chair into a throne...I don't know!
I will probably know in 10/20 years and THEN i will "connect the dots backwards" but for now, I need to live, I need to be the best Fatim I can be, the best sister, the best daughter, the best leader, the best teammate, the best colleague the best friend, the best student, the best every single attribute of my person.
That is not a narcissistic or egocentric statement, it's a confidence boost statement, it's a goal achieving outline, it's my syllabus for this course I call "Life101" where my A+ is me waking up every morning next to the love of my life (whoever that will be), waking up my kids and going to work in my Range Rover with the biggest smile I have ever had; a smile that will get bigger everyday until the day I don't wake up (and even then...I might smile :D). This is not Utopia, it's a goal, MY GOAL and with God's help, I can and WILL get there, I give myself 15 years.
"Aim for the moon, even if you miss, you'll land among the stars"!
Ok i'm done Ego-tripping now! Have a good day!
.JPG)
I am the kind of person who always thinks everything happens for a reason. And I think this has been enhanced by Steve Jobs' commencement speech at Stanford University (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UF8uR6Z6KLc) when he said : "You can only connect the dots backwards". Ever since the day I listened to that speech I've been trying to connect the dots backwards, trying to find a link between every single thing that happened to me, every mistake I made and it's reverberating consequences ...
My dream is to work at Google some day, and for that reason, I can't help but think that every step I make today may or may not get me there.
But this "connecting the dot" thing doesn't only affect my career goals, it also affects my "love life" (if I can call it like that). It makes me reluctant to start anything with anyone because when I don't see myself with the person in the future, I tend to build a wall and try to block every sort of interaction. The problem is that, by building that wall, I am not completely following Steve Jobs' advice because he also says "keep looking don't settle", and by building that wall, I'm not settling but I sure am not looking, I'm just being selfish.
Why is it selfish?! Well, most of the time, when I am confronted to that situation I think of MYSELF, of how any relationship will affect ME, of how it might hurt ME, of how much time I would be able to "devote" to that other person and that's because I keep MY goals in mind. Not that it is a bad thing, I actually think knowing my goal is one of my best qualities, I know what I want and how to get it BUT, I am not the only person on earth and I should at least consider the other person's feelings, and contribution to my life.
Again, "You can only connect the dots backwards". By blocking these people, I might miss out on something great, I might regret things and honestly, I'd rather have remorse than regrets. Moreover someone once said :"If you live each day like it's your last, some day you will most certainly be right" and I know that i just can't keep focusing on ONE plan that might or might not happen 10 years from now when I don't even know whether or not I'll still be alive...
In that speech, Steve Jobs had HOPE, he was talking about living more "decades", he was happy his Cancer was cured; he had no idea that seven years from that moment he would be gone. And I don't know if I'll die an hour, a year or 50 years from now, therefore, I should be enjoying every moment, live my life to the fullest and of course, even though my eyes are FIXED on my goal, I still need to get out of my comfort zone. I'm so comfortable in my chair that I don't want to stand up for just a second, and that second might actually change my life, it might be the one thing that will change my chair into a throne...I don't know!
I will probably know in 10/20 years and THEN i will "connect the dots backwards" but for now, I need to live, I need to be the best Fatim I can be, the best sister, the best daughter, the best leader, the best teammate, the best colleague the best friend, the best student, the best every single attribute of my person.
That is not a narcissistic or egocentric statement, it's a confidence boost statement, it's a goal achieving outline, it's my syllabus for this course I call "Life101" where my A+ is me waking up every morning next to the love of my life (whoever that will be), waking up my kids and going to work in my Range Rover with the biggest smile I have ever had; a smile that will get bigger everyday until the day I don't wake up (and even then...I might smile :D). This is not Utopia, it's a goal, MY GOAL and with God's help, I can and WILL get there, I give myself 15 years.
"Aim for the moon, even if you miss, you'll land among the stars"!
Ok i'm done Ego-tripping now! Have a good day!
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Father's Day Melancholy
Don’t be fooled. Oh no don’t be fooled by my smile. It’s a hint, yes it’s a hint that I cry. And the days I don’t cry are the brightest days of my life so I smile. I smile to thank God I still can.
Don’t be fooled. Oh no don’t be fooled by my laugh. It’s a hint, yes it’s a hint that I scream. And I hurt. I’ve been bleeding for a while. I had a cut, the deepest cut of my life.
Don’t be fooled. Oh no don’t be fooled by my joy. It’s a hint, yes it’s a hint that I’m sad. And I’m mad. Mad for not saying what I should have and it’s too late. He’s gone and won’t be back.
Don’t be fooled, Oh no don’t be fooled by my candidness. It’s a hint, yes it’s a hint that I lie to myself. And I try. I try hard to stay happy but I can’t. I can’t cuz it’s harder, yet easier, than ever seeing him again.
Don’t be fooled, Oh no don’t be fooled by my innocence. It’s a hint, yes it’s a hint that I’m older in my head. I am tougher; yes I am tougher to myself. I’ve been through stuff. Stuff you wouldn’t understand.
Don’t be fooled, Oh no don’t be fooled by my courage. It’s a hint, yes it’s a hint that my heart’s weak because it’s been cut. Its other half’s been missing. And for 6 years, for 6 years I’ve been bleeding.
Don’t be fooled. Oh no don’t be fooled by my words. They are harsh. But they are coming from the heart. I’m OK, even though life knocked me out. I’ll get up, for the seven hundred and first time.
Don’t. Be. Fooled.
I am happy(ish).
Don’t be fooled. Oh no don’t be fooled by my laugh. It’s a hint, yes it’s a hint that I scream. And I hurt. I’ve been bleeding for a while. I had a cut, the deepest cut of my life.
Don’t be fooled. Oh no don’t be fooled by my joy. It’s a hint, yes it’s a hint that I’m sad. And I’m mad. Mad for not saying what I should have and it’s too late. He’s gone and won’t be back.
Don’t be fooled, Oh no don’t be fooled by my candidness. It’s a hint, yes it’s a hint that I lie to myself. And I try. I try hard to stay happy but I can’t. I can’t cuz it’s harder, yet easier, than ever seeing him again.
Don’t be fooled, Oh no don’t be fooled by my innocence. It’s a hint, yes it’s a hint that I’m older in my head. I am tougher; yes I am tougher to myself. I’ve been through stuff. Stuff you wouldn’t understand.
Don’t be fooled, Oh no don’t be fooled by my courage. It’s a hint, yes it’s a hint that my heart’s weak because it’s been cut. Its other half’s been missing. And for 6 years, for 6 years I’ve been bleeding.
Don’t be fooled. Oh no don’t be fooled by my words. They are harsh. But they are coming from the heart. I’m OK, even though life knocked me out. I’ll get up, for the seven hundred and first time.
Don’t. Be. Fooled.
I am happy(ish).
Thursday, April 5, 2012
I feel like I wrote this song! Totally ME! ^_^
[Verse 1]
Sometimes I shave my legs and sometimes I don’t
Sometimes I comb my hair and sometimes I won’t
Depend of how the wind blows I might even paint my toes
It really just depends on whatever feels good in my soul
[Chorus]
I’m not the average girl from your video
And I ain’t built like a supermodel
But I learned to love myself unconditionally,
Because I am a queen
I not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I’m wearing I will always be
India.Arie
[Verse 2]
When I look in the mirror and the only one there is me
Every freckle on my face is where it’s suppose to be
And I know my creator didn’t make no mistakes on me
My feet, my thighs, my Lips, my eyes, I’m loving what I see
[Chorus]
[Verse 3]
Am I less of a lady if I don’t where panty hose
My momma said a lady ain’t what she wears but what she knows…
But I’ve drawn the conclusion, it’s all an illusion
Confusion’s the name of the game
A misconception, a vast deception,
Something got to change
Now don’t be offended this is all my opinion
Ain’t nothing that I’m saying law
This is a true confession
Of a life learned lesson
I was sent here to share with y'all
So get in when you fit in
Go on and shine
Clear your mind
Now’s the time
Put your salt on the shelf
Go on and love yourself
‘Cause everything’s gonna be alright
[Chorus]
[Out]
Keep your fancy drink, and your expensive minks
I don’t need that to have a good time
Keep your expensive cars and your caviar
All’s I need is my guitar
Keep your crystal and your pistol
I’d rather have a pretty piece of crystal
Don’t need you silicone, I prefer my own
What god gave me is just fine…
[Chorus]
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Je m’adresse à TOI, “Sénégalais”
Je m’adresse à TOI, “Sénégalais” qui m’as ri au nez quand je t’ai annoncé que je m’inscrirai sur les listes pour voter. Je m’adresse à TOI, “Sénégalais” qui m’as dit “tu perds ton temps, ce n’est pas la peine de te fatiguer”. Je m’adresse à TOI, “Sénégalais” qui passais ton temps devant ta télé à danser sur du Beyoncé pendant que dans ton pays des gens se faisaient sacrifier. Je m’adresse à TOI, “Sénégalais” qui as regardé ta constitution se faire bafouer. Je m’adresse à TOI, “Sénégalais” qui passivement la candidature du Vieux as entériné. Je m’adresse à TOI, “Sénégalais” qui as ignoré tous tes concitoyens engagés. Je m’adresse à TOI, “Sénégalais” qui ne pourras raconter comment en 2012 au changement tu as contribué. Je m’adresse à TOI, “Sénégalais” qui ne pourras relater comment en 2012 l’avenir de ton pays tu as changé. Je m’adresse à TOI, “Sénégalais” qui ne pourras exprimer comment en 2012 pour ton pays tu t’es inquiété. Je m’adresse à TOI, “Sénégalais” qui t’es moqué ouvertement de la démocratie de ta patrie. Oui TOI qui en quelque sorte as trahi. Et pourtant TOI qui le 25 Mars 2012 t’es réjoui. Je m’adresse à TOI, “Sénégalais”. Je m’adresse à TOI ! Et je te dis, IN YOUR FACE !
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