Robbed by Death (08/12/10)

I am naked. I have been robbed. Four and a half years ago. The thief took almost everything I cared about. I've lost four and a half years of complete happiness, four and a half years of youth, four and a half years of love, four and a half years of him. Yes the robber stole a man from me. Except it’s not any man. He took my first love, the first male in my life, the only gentleman who certainly loved me more than he loved himself. My idol, yes I was a passionate fan of that man, everything he did seemed, and actually was, right. He was strong, yes stronger than the Lion King. That man was true. Nothing fake, nothing blurry, nothing ambiguous, absolutely nothing fallacious. He inspired me, I mean he inspires me. When I still had him, I used to think of him and smile, I laughed sometimes. Today, I remember him, I remember the things we did together and I smile, I laugh sometimes. But then I think of the things we could have done these past four and a half years and I cry, I scream sometimes, yes I scream so loud that no sound can be heard, no sound at all. Why do I scream? Because I'm in pain, yes I feel like my heart is being ripped out. I feel like it is being shredded out with the strength of a bull…and it hurts. Yes it hurts. I feel some kind of heat invading my body, driving me crazy and killing me…slowly. I'm in pain. I hurt. I cry.

Death robbed me. I’ve been robbed by death. Death stole away my father. Death stole my dad from me. Death took away my youth. Death sneaked into my heart, diminished my cheerfulness, reduced my glee and moderated my delight. But now let me ask you one thing. What can I do about it? What other than fake a smile even when I’m dying inside? What other than cheer sad people up even when I’m sadder? What other than play with my own feelings? What other than pretend? What other than lie? In a nutshell; what other than do “nothing”? Because no matter what I do, I will never have him back, neither will I have those four and a half years back. It’s gone. It’s all gone…

I’ve been robbed by death, for eternity…Or should I say, for what’s left of it…Because if death taught me one thing, it’s that before having an Expiation Day, eternity has an Expiration Date…